Blog Master G

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Me: Useless Groom

Friday, March 14th, 2003 · No Comments

Jen just shared with me a brilliant article by Dave Barry, which helps put a lot of our recent planning in perspective:

The Miami Herald | 03/02/2003 | It’s no wonder brides often turn into Frankenstein

Here’s my favorite part:

    And don’t tell me that the groom can help. Please. The groom is useless. Statistically speaking, something like 92 percent of all grooms are male. If you let males plan weddings you are going to wind up with Skee Ball at the reception.

    No, the groom dropped out of the picture minutes after he proposed. For all the bride knows, he has been kidnapped by aliens. It does not matter. The bride must plunge grimly ahead, making decision after decision, day after stressful day, night after sleepless night, until she has, at most, two remaining marbles.

And I’ve been trying to convince Jen of this for months:

    What we need is a law prohibiting brides from planning their weddings more than, say, a week in advance. A bride caught violating this law would be subject to severe punishment, such as being forced to walk down the aisle to the tune of I Shot the Sheriff.

-The Useless Groom

Tags: wedding