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20, 20, 24 Hours to Go

Tuesday, March 18th, 2003 · No Comments

Buried in Bush’s speech last night, during which he gave Saddam Hussein and his sons Dumb and Dumber a 48-hour ultimatum to leave Iraq, was this line: “Do not destroy oil wells, a source of wealth that belongs to the Iraqi people.”


What Bush was really saying: “Do not destroy oil wells, a source of wealth that will soon belong to the American people more specifically to my friends in the oil industry so that we don’t have to worry about consuming the majority of the world’s resources and can keep on truckin’ guilt-free and without the need to implement systems like solar or hydrogen that would alleviate our dependency on foreign oil because if we did that my family and I wouldn’t be so damn rich and by golly without all that money I wouldn’t be living the high life here in the White House without the millions in campaign contributions I received from the oil and automobile industries so goddammit all you fucking Iraqi soldiers so help me God almighty He who is guiding me to war and also guided the September 11 terrorists to sacrifice their lives to be greeted at the gates of Heaven by 72 virgins since I and not those bastards was the one appointed by the Supreme Court to protect the American suckers I mean people when I put my hand on that Bible to claim those oil fields so you’d better not fuck them up assholes or you’ll all die which you will anyway since I’m starting a war and in war people die even though I’ve claimed that all I really want is peace but really I’m just a big bully who is leading my supposedly democratic nation which has never been the aggressor as a world power into war this week under the guise of protecting the people.”

From the San Francisco Chronicle’s story BRINK OF WAR / RATIONALE: President says U.S. must act to prevent future attacks:

    Establishing democracy in Iraq “is going to be difficult,” Feinstein said. “Preventing civil war and strife is going to be very difficult. Achieving peace in the Middle East is going to be made more difficult.

    “I could be wrong. Maybe none of that will happen. What bothers me is this president is so certain, so certain that he has a monopoly on truth and right, and nobody else knows anything.”

Oh, and by the way, watch out for terrorist attacks here on the homefront since we’re back to Code Orange.

Tags: rants