Blog Master G

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Emergency Preparedness

Friday, March 28th, 2003 · 1 Comment

I’ve been forwarded various links to the great parody of ready.gov‘s Emergency Preparedness so many times that I decided to post it on my own site for keepsake (so thanks to everyone who forwarded it to me).

Continuing with this theme is today‘s Worst-Case Scenario 2003 Daily Survival Calendar lesson:

HOW TO SURVIVE A NUCLEAR EXPLOSION

  1. Get to a safe shelter as quickly as possible and remain inside for four to six days after the last explosion.
    An underground shelter covered by one meter or more of earth will provide the best protection. If you must emerge, limit your surface exposure to no more than 30 minutes a day for 13 days following the explosion.
  2. If you have been exposed to radiation, immediately wash your body thoroughly with soap and water.
    This will remove most of the radiation particles, but not all.
  3. Water can be safely obtained from underground sources (springs and wells, for example) that undergo natural filtration, or from pipes in abandoned houses or stores.
  4. Healthy-looking wild animals are a safe food source if other foods are not available.
    Avoid any meat close to the bones and joints (an animal’s skeleton contains over 90 percent of the radioactivity).

And remember: Watch out for any toxic or generally fucked-up creatures like the nutria; eating them in a nuclear wasteland could be hazardous to your health.

Tags: comedy

1 response so far ↓

  • 1 Dave Reed // Mar 29, 2003 at 11:04 am

    How to survive a nuclear explosion? Ummm … I’m afraid the only way I can think of is: put your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye. :-)