Blog Master G

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Why I Live in San Francisco

Friday, April 4th, 2003 · No Comments

From Mark Morford‘s brilliant Morning Fix newsletter today:

    == Bouncy Exposed Penises Of Anarchy ==
    A National Guard battalion commander is being relieved of his command for running naked outside the barracks at Fort Bragg. Lt. Col. J.D. Webster was one of several soldiers seen streaking on Feb. 18, the military said, a behavior which is unacceptable and which is clearly unbecoming of a deeply and regularly sexually repressed member of the macho military who doesn’t really like the idea of anyone’s penis flapping around freely in the wind like that given the ugly connotations and the thing with the pitter patter of little soldier feet between bunkers after light’s out and the “don’t ask don’t tell but don’t stop oooh yeah yeah right there ooooh yesss who’s your daddy” policy of the military. “Scampering around naked in a drunken screaming haze because this world is so damn f–ked up and insane and Bush is a moron and you fly Apache helicopters for a living, is unacceptable behavior,” Maj. Gen. Zannie O. Smith did not say, and yes his name really is Zannie. “Now sodomizin’ a nice sleepy Texas steer, *that’s* damn good fun.”

And snippets from the associated column (Is Sodomy Patriotic? / Where naughty gay sex in Texas meets the rigid U.S. Supreme Court. Hide the children):

    Do we even need to mention that each and every one of those 14 anti-sodomy states voted for Bush? Or that these are the states that tend to be the most homogeneous, the least diverse, the least culturally dynamic? Pretty much a given.

    But as we storm into a poor, repressed nation in the name of justice and power and our smirking inarticulate president’s born-again God, killing hundreds (soon to be thousands) of Iraqis in the process, it’s good to be reminded just what sort of values we are, ostensibly, fighting to inflict upon the world.

As Mark points out, it’s legal to fuck sheep in Texas, but not your consenting, same-sex partner. And this is the state from whence our dim-witted leader hails. Need I say more?

Tags: the world