Blog Master G

Thanks to Dave and Beerzie Boy for solving the mystery of yesterday’s City Sewer Monster. Indeed, it does appear to be a Jerusalem Cricket or “potato bug.” Of course, it’s more exciting to think that it was a sewer monster. Still, it makes a good story.

4:30am: Wake up. Stumble down hallway to the loo. Use loo. Proceed to sink. Start to wash hands. Oh shit! Jump back. Giant sewer monster is sitting there, staring back at me. What the hell is that thing? It’s not a spider, I don’t think. But it’s as big as a tarantula. It’s not a cricket. Wife wakes up. “What’s going on?” she asks as she hears me ruffling through the kitchen cabinet. “Oh nothing,” I tell her. “Just looking for a cup to capture this giant thing in the bathroom sink. It’s under control.” Concerned, the wife gets out of bed, grabs newsprint weapon, and follows me into bathroom. “That thing’s got a stinger!” she proclaims. Hell yeah it does. Scooping it up with a cup and into toilet is out. But damn, this thing is photo worthy. Snap photo for later use on blog. Always plan ahead for good blog material. “Hit it with the newspaper,” the wife suggests. “No way,” I tell her. That won’t work. “It might splatter,” I explain. She laughs at me and asks me to explain. “You see,” I tell her, “back in the day I once attacked a giant moth with a paper towel. The thing was so huge that when I squeezed it, the moth juice hit me in the eye.” Don’t want to repeat that traumatic incident. OK, capturing with plastic cup and gracefully transferring to toilet is out. Baseball bat? Oh, we don’t own one. New plan: Attack with bottom of plastic cup. “Sever the head from the abdomen,” wife from the country coaches. I take a deep breath. “Want me to do it?” wife asks. Focus. Bang! Smash sewer monster with brute force and grind. Remove cup to examine damage. Good, no sewer monster juice. Holy crap! It’s still moving. Get it again! Smash! Pound! “Sever the head! Sever the head! Get it at an angle!”

Silence.

Sewer monster parts strewn about the bathroom sink. It’s over. Regroup. Call in the cleanup team. Back to bed. Shake off feeling of creepy crawlers. Try to sleep. Until next time, the sewer monster squad hangs up its plastic battle cups.

The only explanation: New York City Morlocks are sending sewer monsters to San Francisco.

As of today, Jen and I have been married 100 days. It really doesn’t seem like it. Time really flies when you’re having fun. We celebrated tonight with a delicious dinner at Tommy’s in the Richmond, followed by a movie.

Here’s to my beautiful wife and the next 100 days and 100 years.

During the past few weeks or so since Jen and I have decided to move to Saratoga Springs, NY, we’ve been met with one of two reactions (appreciated disappointment from friends and family aside): “That’s great!” or “Huh? That’s random.” A very telling fact is that we’ve so far heard nothing negative about the place. So without further ado, I present to you an explanation of why we’ve chosen to live in this seemingly random place, known as the city in the country and home to more bars per capita than anywhere else in the country (our drinking buddies cheer and begin to see the allure).

The obvious reasons aside (close to Jen’s entire family and her oldest friends), the essence of Saratoga Springs is best captured in this 2002 article from the New York Times: JOURNEYS; 36 Hours | Saratoga, N.Y.

“SARATOGA: It’s a name that evokes privilege and leisure, spas and cures, gambling and bars and, of course, horses, especially during the August thoroughbred season. But there’s more to this town than high living and horseflesh. The Saratoga Performing Arts Center, the summer home to the Philadelphia Orchestra and the New York City Ballet, offers a schedule of cultural events that rivals that of any big city. The Saratoga National Historical Park, site of the first major American defeat of the British and one of the 15 most decisive battles of all time, is nearby. Just north is the Adirondack wilderness; directly south is the capital city of Albany. Saratoga, the summer destination of many of the most famous names in American history, is a small town with a big vision.”

Though admittedly I haven’t yet been to Saratoga Springs, I trust Jen’s judgment along with everything I’ve read and have heard from others who live or have visited there.

Hell, how could I go wrong moving to a place that’s all about “privilege and leisure?”

Jen and I learned this week that the couple who looked at our apartment last weekend has signed a new lease starting January 1. (Our lease was set to end January 31.) What this means is that we get to move to Saratoga Springs at the end of December. This is both exciting and nerve-racking, since we now have a date and the big planning begins.

First step: Find a good, national moving company. Our in-town favorite (Delancey Street) isn’t scheduling any moves until after the first of the year, so it’s time to solicit suggestions. Have you had a good experience with a national moving company? I’d love to hear your recommendations.

Also on the big planning front are those little things on the other end known as jobs and housing. Any leads on those fronts would be greatly appreciated, too, if you happen to know of any hot leads in Upstate New York or Saratoga regions.

I’m back home after several days in the desert with my bro, Peter. For a Web junkie like me, it was weird being away from the Internet for a few days. I could’ve gone on campus to check my email, etc. but it’s also a nice feeling to be disconnected for a while. So I’m just now checking my email this morning and have just under 20 messages, which isn’t so bad.

I had a great time hanging out in Tucson with Pete and seeing his life there. I hadn’t been since last June when he was living in a different house. His new house is really cool. It amazes me just how much house for so little one can get when one does not live in San Francisco. We ate, we drank, we played miniature golf, we played with Chase the wonder dog, we were merry.

Flying there on Monday I stopped at LAX and was a bit delayed due to the raging fires there. On my OAK-LAX leg of the trip, we flew through a tremendous cloud of smoke from the fire. It was so intense that on the plane we could all smell it, and it was pretty bad. Many people were coughing and covering their mouths.

Coming home last night on the TUC-LAX leg, we luckily didn’t fly through clouds of smoke again, but we did get an amazing view of the fires from 30,000 feet. And to think they’re more under control now than they were earlier in the week. The picture included here doesn’t even do the monstrosity of the flames justice.

Also on that leg of the flight I sat next to a really cool 9-year-old kid named Matt. He was reading Truckin’ magazine when I got on the plane. We talked the whole way about cars, trucks, fires, beer, and more. He told me how he had once snuck a sip of beer from his mom’s glass that he thought contained apple juice. He laughed and said it was good. The most charming thing he said out of the blue was this: “It makes me sad that girls used to have to stay at home and cook and clean and stuff.” I concurred and told him that that’s how it was in the 1950s. We were both glad that times have changed.

And I’m glad to have spent a few days with my bro.

I’m happy to announce that the official 100 Faces of Marin Web site is now live. The site is dedicated to my Dad’s next installment of the book, the first of which (with the same title) he wrote and published in 1991. Pre-order your copy today!

On the site you can get a taste of some of the personalities profiled in the book, and we’ll soon make available sample text for one of the profiles.

Yesterday while being the house husband and running errands at Costco and Bed Bath & Beyond, I stumbled across what’s got to be the coolest new toy of the year: Namco TV Games. See Jen holding that little box in the photo? That’s Pac-Man, Dig Dug, Bosconian, Galaxian, and Rally-X all in one. That’s the whole unit. You throw in some batteries, plug the A/V connector into your TV, and you’re off. Arcade-style entertainment right in your living room.

The part about the toy that’s a little scary is that it’s marketed toward the kids of our generation. Here’s my favorite line from the back of the box: “A blast from Mom & Dad’s past!” Wow. Crazy to think that ’80s games are now considered to be from the parental generation. I have friends who are my age who have kids, sure, but all the kids are on the young side, and probably couldn’t hold a joystick.

Anyhow, I thought this toy would make a great gift for Jen since during the past year that we’ve lived here in the Sunset, we’ve spent a lot of time hanging out with friends and playing Ms. Pac-Man at Yancy’s. When we move east, we’ll be able to take a little piece of our San Francisco memories with us. And the unit is so small and portable, we can even bring it on our cross-country trip and hook it up in hotel rooms along the way.

I presented the gift to Jen outside her office in front of several of her coworkers. But before handing her the toy itself, I handed her batteries, explaining that they were the first part of her gift. “Uh oh,” she proclaimed.

Then we had some happy hour drinks at the Fly Trap with Jen’s coworkers. That was fun. Walking into Jen’s office and seeing all her friends there was a cool feeling — it was more like seeing a bunch of friends than a bunch of coworkers.

How many times have you gone to the movies and felt like you actually knew the actors? Sure, we all have our favorite actors and governators, and seeing someone famous on the streets or in the bowling alley always elicits this weird feeling of semi-knowing. When Jen and I ran into Nick Cage in a magic shop here in San Francisco a couple years back, I felt like I knew him. We said hi to each other, but of course he had no clue who I was. When we bowled in the lane next to Winona Ryder last year, we all felt like we knew her and wanted to chat, but she just wanted to be left alone and enjoy her night out on the town and away from the publicity of her shoplifting trial.

Oh yes, trials.

Runaway Jury is a movie about the trial following a workplace shooting. Set in New Orleans, the issue at hand is whether the manufacturer of the gun that was used in the shooting should be held liable for the deaths of the 11 people killed. And, as the title implies, the jury for said trial is a bit out of control, which is what makes the film so interesting and enjoyable. The film is filled with surprise twists and turns and it’s not always clear what is happening (in a good way) or what the motive of each side may be. It’s also pretty darn funny. I really enjoyed the movie.

Gene Hackman plays the role of a big-name jury manipulator who’s on the bankroll of the gun industry. Behind the scenes of the trial, Hackman’s character is intense, ruthless, and demanding. And every raging bad guy needs an assistant to keep him focused. His character’s assistant in the movie is played by the poised and charming Marguerite Moreau. Who’s that, you ask? She got her start on the Wonder Years in 1991 and was in all three Mighty Ducks movies. More recently, she’s been in Firestarter 2 and Queen of the Damned. And, oh yes, she was also a classmate of mine and Jen’s at Vassar.

We didn’t actually know her at Vassar, but we always saw her around. We knew of her Mighty Ducks fame and thought that was pretty cool. I’m glad to see she’s continuing in her film career. She did an excellent job acting in Runaway Jury. It must’ve been pretty cool for her to make a film with stars like Hackman, Dustin Hoffman, and John Cusack.

Of course, the only strange part about seeing a movie that features someone you actually do sort of know (or at least went to school with) is that it makes the suspension of disbelief a bit more challenging.

Kudos to you, Marguerite, and keep up the great work.

OK, so I know this is already all over the Web, but it’s the first I’ve seen it, so I’m posting it here (thanks, Suzanne, for passing along).

George H.W. Bush and Brent Scowcroft wrote the following (page 489) in “A World Transformed,” Bush Sr.’s biography: “Trying to eliminate Saddam, extending the ground war into an occupation of Iraq, would have violated our guideline about not changing objectives in midstream, engaging in ‘mission creep,’ and would have incurred incalculable human and political costs … We would have been forced to occupy Baghdad and, in effect, rule Iraq. The coalition would instantly have collapsed, the Arabs deserting it in anger and other allies pulling out as well. Under those circumstances, furthermore, we had been self-consciously trying to set a pattern for handling aggression in the post-cold war world. Going in and occupying Iraq, thus unilaterally exceeding the U.N.’s mandate, would have destroyed the precedent of international response to aggression we hoped to establish. Had we gone the invasion route, the U.S. could conceivably still be an occupying power in a bitterly hostile land. It would have been a dramatically different — and perhaps barren — outcome.”

If only Bush Jr. had read his father’s book.

[ Salon ]